Sins of the Father
by streetlightlove
Summary: WWII army chaplain and POW Peeta Mellark returns from war to take an assignment at a small parish. He soon discovers war is much less complicated than what awaits him in this sleepy Connecticut town.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! - Thanks for deciding to give this fic a shot.**

**This was written for Jeeno2 as part of the Spring Fling Fic Exchange over on Ao3. Her prompt was Priest!Peeta and well here we are. I recommend you all check the exchange out. Lots of amazing work!**

**Also please check out Jeeno2's work - especially: Over an Open Field, We Have Brought Peace onto You and The Mockingbird (Three of my absolute favs)**

**Many thanks to the wonderful, talented, incomparable Court81981 whose superb beta skills, and late night chats helped bring this story together.**

**Enjoy!**

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1945

Peeta raises his head; his eyes burn, his sight is blurry. He pulls himself first to his knees, then to his feet, having just moments ago been knocked to the ground by something, a mortar blast perhaps. He rubs his eyes to clear them of debris, but he can feel the dirt in them scraping against his eyes.

Once his vision has returned, Peeta begins to scan the area. The men who can get up are already starting to, but it's the men who can't that Peeta looks to now. When his eyes fall on a crumpled body with copper hair about 30 feet away, his breath catches in his throat and his chest constricts painfully. He breaks out into a run before his body even has time to gain back its equilibrium.

Peeta crashes down onto his knees when he arrives at the side of the battle-worn bronzed-skinned young man. He notices right away that the man is breathing and feels a wave of relief rush through his body. It is then that he quickly assesses the soldier's injuries, only to discover that they will more than likely be fatal. Bits of metal from the blast stick into his body, legs, arms, chest, but it is the large piece of shrapnel from the mortar that has lodged itself in his abdomen that scares Peeta the most. Blood flows around the metal soaking the dusty ground below the soldier. Peeta can feel tears prick the corner of his eyes as he releases a shaky breath.

"Finn... Finn can you hear me?" Peeta takes the man's hand in his. Slowly the man turns his head, opening his green eyes to meet Peeta's blue ones. The man forces a cocky smile

"Father? Is that you? If it is, you better start those last rites. I'm not planning on hanging around much longer." He winces in pain, shutting his eyes tightly.

Peeta lets the tears fall from his eyes. He knows the man who lies before him, his best friend, Finn Odair, is right. Peeta knows he won't make it off the ground, but he can't do what is asked of him, not now, not for Finn.

When it is apparent that Finn's request is being ignored, the man opens his eyes once more looking to Peeta imploringly.

"Father, I need last..."

"Stop it Finn, don't do this, not now." Peeta never makes decisions based on selfish purposes, but for some reason he is not ready to let his friend go. Finn seems to understand, giving the young chaplain a sympathetic look. Peeta feels his hand being squeezed tightly.

"Ok Peeta." Finn gives in. "Not right now then, but soon. I don't want to end up in the wrong place." He smirks again, and Peeta lets out a low chuckle at the sight of it.

The two men sit quietly, Peeta tries to memorize everything he can about his friend with the little time they have left, but eventually as Peeta had feared, Finn's breath begins to quicken. His skin has lost its tanned glow, turning white, and his eyes have fluttered shut. Peeta knows he cannot stall any longer. He takes his free hand and draws the sign of the cross on Finn's forehead. He is right about to start his prayer when Finn's eyes fly open.

"Peeta, promise me when you get home that you'll... That you'll go to Annie and tell her I love her." Finn stares up at Peeta, who tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I will , Finn. I promise."

Finn seems content with that answer. A small smile crosses his lips before he closes his eyes for the last time.

Peeta inhales deeply and tries to steady his shaking hands. A moment later he begins to pray.

_Blessed is our God, always now and ever, and unto the ages of ages._

_O Heavenly King, Comforter, Spirit of Truth, Who art everywhere present and fillest all things, Treasury of good things, and Giver of life: come and abide in us, and cleanse us from every sin, and save our souls, O Good One._

Peeta feels someone tap his shoulder. He feels an anger pulse through him, wondering who would dare interrupt him at a time like this. He quickly turns his head to face whoever it is, only to find the world has turned on its side.

Peeta feels a hardness against his left cheek, and his eyes seem heavy. He lifts his head discovering a young altar boy by the name of Thom standing before him. The battlefield he was kneeling upon just moment before has been replaced by a small white-walled room. Out of all his nightmares the one about the day Finn died is by far the most common.

"Excuse me, Father," the altar boy begins nervously, "but they are ready for you now."

Peeta nods to the boy who turns and walks away, then pulls himself out of the wooden chair. His body feels stiff, and he wonders how long he has been sleeping. He knows it couldn't have been too long though. He doesn't sleep much anymore. If it hadn't been Thom, his nightmares would have eventually driven him awake, leaving him overwhelmed and terrified.

He makes his way across the room and looks at himself in the mirror. His blond waves stick out every which way, his blue eyes are bloodshot, and heavy bags hang under his eyes. A red mark covers the side of his face where the skin was pressed against his mahogany desk. He scrubs his cheek with his hand, trying to restore some of its color then drags his fingers through his disheveled hair, combing it into some sort of order. He stares at his reflection for a moment longer, knowing this is the best he is going to get, and he can't keep people waiting.

Those people being the family and friends of Corporal Gale Hawthorne, who was just killed over in Berlin. He could have been buried in Arlington, but his family wanted him to come home to Connecticut. Peeta has only been at St. Bridget's for less than a week, and he hasn't even been properly introduced to the parish, but Father Abernathy made it quite clear that he would not be conducting this funeral, and that Peeta would be doing it instead. Peeta had met the dead soldier's mother a few days prior. His mother, a woman named Hazelle, had mentioned that her son had a fiancee, but that the girl was too overwhelmed by her grief to attend the planning for the funeral.

Peeta dons his robes and grabs his bible. His leg is feeling okay today, nothing more than a slight limp and the ever-present ache. He decides to leave his cane behind.

He stands behind the heavy wooden door that separates the offices from the church's main room. Peeta takes a deep breath, trying to settle his shredded nerves. This is his first time conducting a church funeral, and the fact that the deceased is a fallen soldier creates a need in Peeta to make sure this ceremony is conducted perfectly.

The door leads out onto the altar at the front of the church. In his peripheral vision, Peeta can see that the church is filled with mourners, but his eyes are locked on the flag-draped casket that is positioned at the foot of the altar's stairs. Without glancing at the parishioners, Peeta walks determinedly towards the casket, his leg giving him slight problems on the stairs. When he reaches Corporal Hawthorne, he rests his hand on top of the wooden box and bows his head.

He prays that his death came fast, that he did not suffer, and that he had a hand to hold as he passed. He thanks the soldier for his service to the country, for his sacrifice. Peeta can feel the emotion begin to bubble in his throat. Even though he has never met Gale Hawthorne, and now he never will, it does not matter to him. Gale was too young to die, and Peeta needs his prayers to show he understands, because Gale could be any of them. He could be Thresh or Boggs. He could be Finn.

Peeta finally lifts his head and scans the room. His eyes land on Hazelle Hawthorne. To her right sit her two surviving sons, both teenagers, and on her hip is her daughter, Posy, who looks to be about ten. As Peeta continues to scan the row, he is stopped short when he makes eye contact with a raven-haired woman who looks to be in her early 20's. The woman is wearing a simple black dress and a scowl on her face as she glares at Peeta, her eyebrow raised at him in question. Peeta ponders if this is Hawthorne's fiancee. He gives the woman a slight nod and offers a small smile. She responds by quickly looking away.

As the service continues, Peeta can't help but glance over to the dark-haired woman several times during the ceremony. She has yet to look at him again; instead, her eyes are either glued to the coffin or she is staring off into space, seemingly a million miles away. Peeta can't help but notice how completely lost she looks.

The church part of the service ends, and people begin to make their way to the graveyard. Peeta follows the casket out of the church. Once on the steps he looks to the ominous gray sky. He hopes that the inevitable rain will stay away until the service has concluded.

At the gravesite, the young priest's eyes fall to the soldier's fiancee once again. Her light-colored eyes carry a sheen of unshed tears. She bites her thumbnail and begins to stare off once again, not looking once to the casket in front of her.

The service continues and the military ceremony begins. The flag is folded with respectful precision. When it is presented to Gale's mother, Peeta sees the young woman to her left pull her gaze from far away to watch the cloth triangle as it is placed in Hazelle's hands. Peeta remembers visiting Finn's widow, Annie when he finally arrived stateside, seeing the flag that was once draped across Finn displayed in its glass case on the wall. He wonders if the younger woman wishes it was her wall that this flag would hang on.

The service ends with a departing prayer from Peeta. The crowd begin to disperse, a few stopping to compliment Peeta on the ceremony and to introduce themselves to the new priest. Soon it appears everyone has left, and Peeta is glad as it is then the sky opens up and rain begins to drench the ground below.

Peeta gets ready to leave himself, his leg now painful from standing too long and the change in the weather. It is then he notices the same dark-haired woman still sitting in her graveside chair. Her hair, which was up in a bun, has now fallen to her shoulders, weighed down by the heavy rain. Peeta painfully makes his way over to her.

"Miss?" he calls when standing in front of her. She is gazing off in the distance, still not focused on anything. He calls to her again and still he gets no answer. He quickly pulls off his own jacket and tries in vain to use it as a cover to shield the already-sodden woman.

Peeta isn't sure what to do. He doesn't want to try to force her to leave, but he worries about how unresponsive she is. So he stands there not saying a word while he continues to shield her from the rain. Suddenly to Peeta's surprise, she looks up to him and he can see tears running down her face.

"He was the last family I had left. Everyone else is gone." The sadness in her voice matches the sorrow in her eyes, and Peeta feels something in his heart break for her. The woman takes a shuddering breath before continuing. "Polio took Prim, then Daddy died and Mama followed soon afterwards. Now Gale. I have no one else." Sobs begin to wrack her body now. Peeta drapes his coat over the woman before painfully dropping to a knee in front of her, covering one of her hands with his.

"What about the Hawthornes, are you not close with them?" She responds to Peeta with a sardonic snort.

"Hazelle is a widow with three children. She doesn't have time for me." She sniffles. "Plus, I have always been under the impression that Gale's mother thought he could have done better than me, not that I disagree." She trails off. Peeta doesn't know this woman, but that she thinks she did not deserve the love of the man resting behind them saddens him immensely. This woman's loneliness is palpable, and Peeta wants nothing more than to comfort her, to let her know that she is not alone.

"Well," he begins, "my name's Peeta." The woman looks up at Peeta, startled, and he can't help let out a small chuckle. "Well, officially Father Mellark, but you can call me Peeta." She cocks her head at Peeta and is silent for a moment before speaking.

"Katniss... my name's Katniss Everdeen.," she replies almost shyly.

"Katniss." Peeta tests the word with his tongue. "That's a lovely name." Katniss responds with a small smile. "I tell you what, Katniss, if you ever need someone to talk to, ever, please don't hesitate to come to me. You don't have to go through this alone."

"Thank you.," she whispers. She begins to shiver and looks around as if she, for the first time, has noticed the rain.

"Should we get out of here?" Peeta asks, and Katniss nods in return.

Katniss rises and makes her way over to the covered grave. Peeta stands back, giving her space for this final goodbye. Once she has finished, she turns back to Peeta, and the two walk out of the graveyard together.

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	2. Chapter 2

"Before we start, I'd like to make an announcement." Father Abernathy's voice booms out from the pulpit. Peeta watches the older priest from his seat off to the left. "Some of you have already met Father Mellark, but for those who haven't, I'd like to formally introduce him now." Most of the parish turns to look at Peeta. Some are smiling while others, mostly older church-goers, frown.

Before Father Abernathy can continue, there is a loud creaking noise that comes from the entranceway of the church. Peeta and more than half the congregation shift their eyes towards the source of sound.

Peeta is surprised to see Katniss Everdeen trying and failing to sneak into church late. She walks quickly down the aisle, her eyes lowered in embarrassment. Peeta notes how some of the other parishioners tut and shake their heads at the scene. Peeta fights the urge to roll his eyes at their pettiness. _Judge not lest ye be judged_, he thinks to himself.

As Peeta watches Katniss genuflect and make a hurried sign of the cross, her blue dress flowing like waves as she dips, he realizes how happy he is to see her. Over the past four days since the Hawthorne funeral, Peeta's thoughts have drifted often to the sad and lonely young woman he met that day.

Katniss had quickly become a part of Peeta's evening prayers. He hoped that she was ok, that she knew he was there for her. He prayed every night that God would keep her safe.

Peeta is glad to see her out and about and hopes he will have a chance to speak with her after mass ends.

"Thanks for joining us, Sweetheart." Father Abernathy calls out as Katniss slinks into the pew and sits down. Peeta wants to be upset that the Father called her out like that, but the jesting yet paternal look on Father Abernathy's face stops his thoughts short.

"You're welcome, Father." He hears Katniss mumble back. Father Abernathy laughs warmly at her response, and Peeta swears he can see a slight smile on Katniss's face.

" Well where was I? Ah yes," the Father begins again, "Father Mellark comes to us from the United States Army where he was part of a chaplain corp that worked with soldiers who were stationed over in Indonesia fighting the Japanese. Even took a bullet in a POW camp." Peeta catches Katniss's widening eyes before she glances at his leg. "Once that camp was liberated, he was sent home and assigned by Bishop Heavensbee to come here to keep an eye on me." There is an edgy humor to the Father's voice.

Peeta remembers the talk he had with the bishop just about a week ago. The charismatic bishop had asked him to 'keep an eye on things'. Peeta had no idea what this meant until he arrived at St. Bridget's and had met Father Abernathy. The smell of liquor on him was evident, but his parishioners seemed to love him, and Peeta was not here to make waves. In all actuality, if that Japanese soldier's bullet hadn't torn through Peeta's left knee, leaving him basically crippled, he would have much preferred to be back over in the Pacific with his men.

"So everyone," the Father continues. "I expect you all to treat Father Mellark with the same kindness and respect that you treat me, even if he is trying to take my job." Father Abernathy turns and winks at Peeta, who just shakes his head and chuckles at the old man. At this point Peeta stands, giving a small wave to the church.

"Hello everyone. I look forward to speaking with all of you." He quickly sits back down so Father Abernathy can continue the mass, not wanting to be the center of attention any longer. He does, however, notice after the detailed introduction he received from Father Abernathy that some of the older men and women who had scowled at him at the beginning of the father's speech now give him looks laced with respect and reverence and occasional smiles.

The mass continues and soon the time for communion arrives. Peeta and Father Abernathy decide to split the the congregation in half, with each priest presenting the Eucharist. Towards the end of Peeta's line, he is caught off-guard when he looks up and his eyes lock with a set of familiar ones. He had thought the other day under the blanket of dark gray clouds that these eyes might have been a pale blue, but now that they are right in front of him, he sees that they are the color of mercury. This epiphany is quickly followed by the realization that he has been staring. Katniss, who hasn't broken eye contact, has a small smile on her face. Peeta quickly clears his throat.

"The body of Christ." Peeta raises the communion wafer in front of Katniss's face.

"Amen," she whispers back, then opens her mouth. Peeta gently places the wafer in her mouth, accidentally brushing the tip of his fingers against her bottom lip. The contact startles both of them. Katniss quickly averts her gaze, before turning around to leave, while Peeta pulls his hand back to his side.

Peeta looks around awkwardly, hoping no one noticed whatever it was that just occurred between him and Katniss. When he looks to Father Abernathy, he finds that the older priest is staring back at him, a look of confusion on his face. Peeta shudders with embarrassment, trying to shake away the odd feeling that now consumes him.

The mass ends soon afterwards. Both Peeta and Father Abernathy stand on the front steps of St. Bridget's shaking hands and talking with parishioners.

Peeta has an uncomfortable conversation with a woman who introduces herself as Mrs. Cartwright. Her husband and daughter, Adele, stand back while the woman whispers into Peeta's ear. She expresses that she is glad he is there to 'keep an eye' on things, especially in regards to Father Abernathy. She also lets Peeta know that she is the eyes and ears of the community and that her 'services' are at his disposal.

Peeta grimly thinks that sometimes war must be easier than living in a small town. When Peeta looks up, he catches Father Abernathy standing with a colored man who is missing an arm . Both are looking in his direction, obviously amused by Peeta's current predicament.

Once the crowd has dispersed, Peeta is left standing on the steps. He scans the road that leads to the church, seeing if he can catch sight of Katniss. He's still not sure what happened earlier, but that won't change the fact that he is still worried about her. He knew a conversation, even a small one would reassure him that she was ok.

As he walks back into the church, he spies Father Abernathy escaping through the door behind the altar. Peeta smirks to himself, already knowing enough about the priest to realize he will be leaving soon to catch the local high school's football game.

Peeta begins walking down the aisle thinking about going back to the rectory and taking a nap. His dreams were overwhelmingly unsettling last night. Something, however, catches his eye about halfway down the aisle. He turns to see Katniss, sitting alone in a pew, her elbows resting on her thighs and her face buried in her hands. The sight of her gives Peeta's heart a jolt.

He approaches her, walking down her pew. When he is close to her, Peeta calls out.

"Katniss?" Her head snaps up at his voice. Peeta notices right away that her eyes are red and puffy, and she sniffles while she looks at him. Peeta closes the distance between them, settling next to her in the pew. Katniss pulls a handkerchief out of her handbag and tries to dab her face dry. "Are you ok?" Peeta continues. He already knows the answer: the tears on her cheeks and the emptiness in her eyes tell him what he needs to know. She looks broken, but Peeta needs to hear it from her.

"No..." she whispers. "I'm...I'm not doing so good. I..." Fresh tears tumble down her face. "Is that offer to talk still on the table?" Her voice is still quiet but Peeta catches the pleading edge in her words.

"Of course, Katniss. I meant what I said. Anytime you want to talk, I am here for you." Katniss doesn't respond right away and instead busies herself by drying her face. Peeta clears his throat. "Did you want to talk now? We could go back to my office if that would make you more comfortable."

Katniss still doesn't speak, but she looks towards the space before the altar. Peeta wonders if she is thinking about what stood there just four days prior. Peeta is about to make another suggestion when Katniss cuts him off.

"Can I show you something?" Peeta nods to her. She stands quickly, gathering her things before heading out of the church. Peeta follows closely behind her.

Before he knows it, Peeta is sitting in Katniss's yellow Studebaker. Katniss peels out of the church's modest parking lot with a vengeance. As they barrel down the road, Peeta can't help but be surprised that any car, nevermind a Studebaker, could go this fast. He wants to ask her to slow down, but instead just says a little prayer and tries to enjoy the ride.

Close to a half an hour later, Katniss has pulled the car over to the grassy side of the road. She turns to Peeta, giving him a smile before exiting the car. By the time Peeta is out of the car, he finds Katniss rummaging in the back. She retrieves a set of worn men's work boots, with which she replaces the heels currently on her feet.

"It's a bit of a walk to where we are going, Is your leg going to be ok?" Katniss eyes glide down the length of Peeta's leg.

Although Peeta has no idea what terrain he is about to walk into, his leg has felt fairly good today. It wouldn't matter though, Peeta is here for Katniss, and if she is the most comfortable in the woods then he will not let his bum knee get in the way. He smiles reassuringly.

"I'll be fine, Katniss. Lead the way." Katniss smiles in return before silently making her way to the thick wooded area set back a little ways from the road, Peeta following close behind.

The two follow a natural path through the forest alongside a quick-moving stream. After about a ten-minute trek, they come to a rock outcropping. Peeta can hear a rumbling noise coming from somewhere. He wonders if it is thunder in the distance. Katniss turns to Peeta looking worried once again.

"Are you sure you can make this? It's steep right here." Peeta appreciates her concern, but wishes she wouldn't worry about him so much.

"Go on," He juts his chin out in the direction of the rocks. "I'm right behind you." His answer seems to placate Katniss who quickly hops down the rock outcropping and out of sight from Peeta.

Peeta quickly tries to catch up, doing his best to maneuver the rocky terrain with his bum leg. When he finally does reach the bottom, his leg is pretty sore, he knew it would be, and can't help regretting that he left his cane back at the church, but then he sees her.

Katniss is standing next to a body of water, staring off in front of her, a genuine smile on her face. Peeta can see the peace in her face. Suddenly his aching knee doesn't mean much to him anymore.

Peeta limps towards Katniss, wanting to see what has grabbed her attention. The rumbling he heard earlier gets louder. Katniss turns to Peeta and he can't help think that her smile is as radiant as the sun. It is then that Katniss looks down towards Peeta's leg and her face falls. Her hand raises to cover her mouth.

"Oh Father, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry we came here. I knew better" Peeta can barely hear her, distracted by the sound coming to his right side.

Peeta turns and in front of him is one of the most beautiful sights he has ever seen. The stream tumbles down from above the rock outcropping, creating a serene waterfall. The water cascades into a pool of white foam and mist. Peeta, who has yet to respond to Katniss's concern, gapes at the natural wonder, regretting his lack of paper and pencil. He wants desperately to sketch the scene before him. Peeta walks towards Katniss, never taking his eyes off the waterfall until he is standing next to her.

Katniss is still staring at Peeta with concern when he finally turns to look at her. Before she can begin to apologize again, he grabs her hand.

"Thank you, Katniss, for bringing me here." Her eagerness to speak seems to melt away with his words, the smile again gracing her face.

They both keep still, transfixed on the beauty around them. After a time Katniss leads Peeta to a natural stone bench nestled under a group of trees within sight of the waterfall, but far enough away that they can hear themselves speak.

Katniss sits on the bench, pulling her knees up to her chest, the skirt of her dress coming down just far enough to cover her up. Peeta sits next to her, vowing not to push her to talk, wanting her to do this at her own pace. For a long while they sit in silence. Peeta can see how antsy Katniss has become. She taps her fingers absentmindedly on her knees.

"I need to confess something, Father," Her voice is dripping with emotion. Peeta would not be surprised if she burst into tears any second.

"Go on." his voice deep and calm.

"I..." Katniss buries her face into her knees, letting out a shaky sigh. "I didn't love Gale the way he loved me." She looks to Peeta. He notices the quivering of her bottom lip right away, then watches as her eyes widen after her confession, like she can't believe she said it outloud. Peeta keeps his expression composed and without judgement, not wanting to scare off this woman as she bares her heavy soul to him..

He listens as she breathes deeply before speaking again. "I did love him. I loved him so very much. He was my best friend. He was my family, and I would have married him without a second thought, but..." She scrubs her face with her hands. "I never loved him like a wife is supposed to love her husband." She looks to Peeta with an expression he can't decipher. "Does that make me a bad person?" Peeta tries not to smile at the innocence in Katniss's voice.

Peeta has seen many bad things during the war, but he has come across very few actual _bad_ people. He also knows for sure that loving a man in a non-romantic way is certainly not indicative of evil.

"Love comes in many forms, none of which could be considered bad." Peeta begins. " If you were happy and Gale was happy, what more could you want?"

Peeta realizes as he gives Katniss his opinion that he may be the worst person to ask a question like this. Sure he had his share of schoolboy crushes before he joined the seminary at the age of seventeen, but that was the point, they were just innocent crushes. Peeta knew at a young age that he had a calling. Where most men formed lifelong relationships with a woman of their choice, Peeta had formed a lifelong relationship with God. It didn't matter though. He knew even if he hadn't joined the seminary and then the military chaplain corp, he would have enlisted anyways. As a military man Peeta would never have entertained the idea of taking a wife. Sometimes he still can't get the broken look in Annie Odair's eyes out of his head. Making a woman a widow is never something he wanted to do.

In the end he really has no experience to tell him if Katniss's and Gale's relationship would have thrived considering how Katniss felt. He ponders if they could have actually been truly been happy. Peeta keeps these thoughts to himself however. After all Gale is gone. He is now in the Garden of Everlasting Life, he is at peace. Katniss is the one who is left to suffer here on Earth. Katniss is the one Peeta is worried about.

The rest of their time together is spent in benign conversation about favorite colors. Hers is green, and his is sunset orange. They discuss favorite foods. When Katniss reveals she loves anything that contains cheese, Peeta offers to make her an old family recipe called "cheese buns". When they aren't speaking they fall into comfortable silences, and Peeta can see how calm Katniss has become while sitting here. When they decide to leave, they take it slow, since Peeta's leg is still very sore. Katniss drives much slower back to the church. When she turns into the parking lot, she pulls into a space and shuts the car off, turning to Peeta.

"Thank you so much for talking with me today, Father."

"Peeta." he reminds her. He's never liked the patriarch title that comes with priesthood. Katniss looks down, a small smile lifting her cheeks.

"Peeta, thank you Peeta."

"Anytime Katniss," Peeta smiles at her before exiting the car, waving farewell, as Katniss pulls away.

Peeta can't help the feeling of accomplishment, of satisfaction, of happiness that fills him. He was there for Katniss when she needed it, and he hopes he can be there for her if she needs him again in the future.

The physical exertion of the day takes a toll on Peeta, and he finds sleep easier than normal, but too soon he is there again.

_Peeta awakes in the same dirt patch he always does. Sometimes like tonight, he knows it is only a dream that he can't manage to wake himself up from, but he knows he just needs to get through it and he'll eventually wake up in his bed. He gets to his feet and looks around, trying to spot the tell-tale copper hair that belonged to Finn Odair. He never finds it though. Peeta is confused because this dream never changes. He spins around. Everything else seems to be the same. That's when he sees it, a body lying face down in a growing puddle of blood. The body is not Finn's. _

_The body is female, a pile of black hair fanning out from the body's head. Peeta doesn't hesitate to bound towards her, falling to his knees at her side. He turns the woman around, pulling her into his arms._

"_Katniss?" A lump is already forming in his throat; his eyes sting and he can't breathe. "Katniss, please wake up!" he manages to croak out the words, to plead with her, but she remains motionless in his arms. Unlike Finn, who was alive when Peeta found him, Katniss is already dead. _

_Terror begins to well up inside Peeta, followed by loneliness and profound sorrow. A part of Peeta's brain tries to scream to him that this is still only a dream. But he won't listen, he can't listen, he can't... _

Peeta shoots up in bed, his clothes soaked with sweat, his hair plastered to his face. His heart pounds painfully in his chest. His breathing is erratic and shallow. It takes what seems like forever for Peeta's awake brain to separate itself from the agony of his sleeping self.

When he has finally calmed himself down from the emotions of his dream, he is left confused before a totally different kind of fear sets in. What is this effect that Katniss Everdeen has on him?

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	3. Chapter 3

Peeta makes his way bleary-eyed and sore to the church's main room. He knew after waking up from his nightmare that sleep would not be attainable tonight. He drops to his knees on the bench of the first pew. His head bows to rest on his clasped hands.

The young priest begins praying for guidance. It's not uncommon for Peeta to grow close to a person so quickly. He had spent his time in the military creating strong bonds with the soldiers and other chaplains, especially those soldiers and chaplains that had been held captive with him by the Japanese. But these feelings that he had quickly developed over just the past few days were both foreign and confusing to him.

Peeta tries to tell himself that he was overwhelmed by her grief, but the more he thinks about it the less that seems to make sense. Peeta is not a stranger to grief; in fact his career has been based off of it, comforting those in their time of need. So what is it about Katniss Everdeen that makes him feel so_... different. _

Peeta thinks back on the day and realizes that after Katniss's confession, he actually had fun with her, a lot of fun. He wonders if these 'feelings' are nothing more than Peeta finally being removed from the war, as well as the constant fear and pain that comes with it. Today when he was enjoying his time with Katniss, he never had to look behind his back or wonder where the next spray of gunfire would come from. When he was with Katniss it was... _peaceful. _

"That has to be it," he mumbles to himself, ignoring the still-present pit in his stomach.

Peeta stands, deciding maybe he'll take a walk. When he turns to head for the door, he is surprised to see Father Abernathy in the very last pew, his head tilted back against the wall, his eyes closed. When Peeta gets closer, the older man sits up, opening his eyes to look at him.

"Hey kid, what are you doing awake?"

"Couldn't sleep," Peeta shrugs

"Ah." Father Abernathy looks at Peeta for a moment, studying him before leaning his head back once again.

Peeta stands there for a moment longer before turning to retreat back to his room, deciding to abandon his idea for a walk. He's about halfway down the aisle before he hears Father Abernathy call out to him.

"I saw you keeping company with Katniss Everdeen." Peeta swivels back around, the nervous pit in his stomach growing larger as he turns. When he meets the old man's eyes, he feels exposed, his earlier internal debate about his feelings and Katniss Everdeen cracking at its very foundation. Peeta remains silent, but to his surprise, he sees the older priest's features soften.

"Just be careful, kid," Father Abernathy says as he pulls out a small silver flask from his coat pocket, opening it and taking a swig. "Sometimes caring too much leads to nothing but hurt." With that his eyes close again, and Peeta knows the conversation is over. Peeta wonders if the older priest is drunk, because the meaning behind his message is unclear to Peeta. Before turning around and leaving he takes a hard look at the flask trapped in Father Abernathy's hand, pondering what could have driven this man to drink.

* * *

Despite Peeta's inner turmoil and the vague warning he received from Father Abernathy, Peeta and Katniss begin to go on weekly outings. Every Sunday, they pile into Katniss's Studebaker and go wherever their whims take them. Their destination is almost always outdoors and commonly woodsy areas outside of the town's limits. Peeta notices that Katniss always seems freer when in the fresh air, trees and ocean. However one Sunday, the destination was the market, and then to Katniss's house so that Peeta could make her the cheese buns he always bragged about. Peeta had managed to ignore the ache in his lower abdomen as she bit into the cheesy bun for the first time, moaning loudly and gliding her tongue along her upper lip to clean off the buttery remnants.

The weeks turn to months, and the two continue to spend every Sunday afternoon together. On this particular outing,they are walking through a wooded area, heading back to the car from a less-than-successful attempt at creek fishing.

Peeta has been leaning heavily on his cane today. Katniss has kept her pace slow and Peeta has noticed that she keeps her eyes on his leg the whole time. He looks at her, catching the worried look on her face. He is about to tell her he is fine, but she speaks first.

"Can... can I ask you something?" Peeta turns to her, her eyes won't meet his, and she chews on the right side of her upper lip. She looks nervous.

"What is it, Katniss? He keeps his deep voice calm. Peeta isn't sure what question could have her this worked-up. She continues to look anywhere but at him, but eventually her eyes betray her intentions when they fall to Peeta's bad leg.

"How." She begins tentatively. "How did that happen?" she asks, gesturing to his leg. Peeta is a little surprised she would ask this question since thus far, the pair has managed to keep their conversations free of topics related to death and war.

"Ah, well." Peeta begins rubbing the back of his neck. "While held prisoner, I disobeyed the wrong guard. Shot me clear through the knee. By the time the camp was liberated, my leg had healed completely wrong. The damage was done." Peeta's eyes meet Katniss's only to see they are welling with unshed tears.

"What did you do to disobey?" Katniss's voice is so quiet that Peeta can barely hear her.

"I..." He scrubs his face with his hand. "I tended to the injuries of a soldier who had been beaten by the same guard." Peeta shrugs, trying to act like it was no big deal, but when he looks to Katniss, he sees her tears have begun to fall. He reaches out, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. "It's alright, Katniss. I'm alive, and the last I heard that soldier I helped is still alive. It was worth it, and I would do it again." Peeta's attempt to calm Katniss fails miserably as she begins to sob loudly, her small body shaking as she puts her tear-covered face into her hands.

Peeta closes the distance between them, pulling Katniss into a hug, resting his chin on the top of her head. After several heartbeats, Katniss wraps her arms around Peeta's waist, continuing to sob into his chest.

"Shh," Peeta tries to hush her. "Please Katniss, don't cry for me." he begs as he holds her tighter, feeling a heat that is coming from both of them. Peeta looks off to the side of the road, spotting a patch of yellow flowers. He pulls away from Katniss, meeting with the slightest bit of resistance from her before she finally pulls her arms from his waist. She begins rubbing at her face and nose with the heel of her hand.

Peeta walks towards the flower path, discovering that they are dandelions. He manages to crouch down, collecting a few of the best looking flowers, before walking back to Katniss, makeshift bouquet in hand. As he approaches her, she quirks an eyebrow at him, her mouth slightly opening as Peeta extends the hand with the flowers in her direction.

"For you," he says to her as a smile stretches across his face.

"Why?" Her voice is laced with genuine confusion. Peeta suddenly feels bashful, looking down to the ground as he feels his cheeks heat up.

"Because I made you cry," he says with a shrug. Katniss stares at the bouquet of flowers in her hand, raising her head just as Peeta raises his, meeting his eyes with hers. She smiles, and Peeta feels the lump in his throat begin to fade away.

"I bet you give all the girls flowers," Katniss jokes as she lightly presses the flowers to her mouth. Peeta sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, squinting his eyes while he tries to think.

"Nope," he answers truthfully. "I think besides my mother, you are the only girl I've given flowers to."

"Your mother must have liked that." Katniss says almost shyly.

"Ahh no." Peeta scratches the back of his head. "She smacked me."

Katniss gasps. "Why?" Peeta sucks air through his teeth before answering.

"Because they came from her garden."

Katniss lets out a small giggle. "Oh Peeta, but she shouldn't have hit you."

"My mother was a tough woman," he says with a shrug, not wanting to delve into more of his past. He watches Katniss take a deep breath while closing the gap between them again.

"Well, I think they are lovely," she says matter-of-factly, a wide smile on her face, before taking his hand in hers as they begin to walk again. Peeta likes the feel of her small hand in his. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see her glancing at the flowers more than once.

"My dad used to bring my mother flowers all the time." Katniss's voice is wistful. "He used to pick her wildflowers in the woods while he hunted. Mama loved flowers." Katniss smiles to herself at the memory, and he can't help smiling as well. In all their time together, Katniss has never mentioned her family once. "After Daddy... died, Mama kind of turned off. After Prim and then Daddy just a few years later I don't think she could take anymore. So everyday I would fill the vase next to her bed with wildflowers, hoping that maybe... I don't know what I was hoping for but..." She trails off, swiping her thumb to collect tears from under her eyes. Peeta squeezes her hand in what he hopes to be a reassuring gesture. Katniss exhales a shaky breath. "Then she died, and that was it. I have this dream that they found each other again in Heaven, and he brings her wildflowers everyday."

Peeta feels the tears at the corner of his eyes as he watches her stare at the flowers in her hand, a dreamy smile on her face. She pulls a single flower out of the bunch and tucks it behind her ear, focusing her smile on Peeta.

"Thank you," she whispers before pushing herself up on her tippy-toes brushing her lips lightly against his cheek.

At the contact, Peeta feels his stomach twist and a jolt of pain in his chest. The look of bewilderment on Katniss's face as she pulls away makes him wonder if she felt the same thing. Suddenly the air around them is heavy, as they both look anywhere but at each other. dropping their hands away from each other.

The car ride back to St. Bridget's is quiet and uncomfortable. Anytime Peeta chances to look at Katniss, she is staring intently at the road, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. Peeta quietly sighs before resting his head back on his seat.

Something had obviously changed between him and Katniss. Anxiety tears at Peeta's stomach and his heart beats faster and faster with every minute that passes. He knows that this didn't just happen. He knows he has felt it building for sometime now, but has been pushing it aside. He's been ignoring that building feeling, these feelings he has for her.

Peeta knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he should end this, end it before they enter the point of no return. This needs to end before Peeta does the unthinkable by somehow breaking his vows of celibacy and betraying not only himself, but also God and the church. He knows as soon as she pulls up in front of the church that he should thank her for her friendship, but gently let her know they can't continue with these outings anymore. He should let her know that he cares for her like a priest cares for his parishioner and nothing more.

He should, but he doesn't

He's a coward. A coward who is more scared to not have Katniss in his life.

So when she pulls up to the church and parks, neither of them moves. Katniss yanks a piece of loose thread from her dress, using it to tie the stems of the dandelions together before laying them on her dashboard, still not looking at Peeta.

After they have waited as long as they can without saying a word, Peeta's low voice breaks the silence.

"I should go."

"Right," Katniss says, finally looking Peeta's way. "Thank you so much, you have no idea how much your friendship means to me." Peeta forces a smile. Her words should bring him comfort. She looks at him as nothing more than a friend, because a friend is all Peeta can ever be to her. He should be happy that she feels this way.

Then why doesn't he? Why, instead, does he feel a pain in his heart?

"I'll see you later, Katniss," Peeta says before exiting the car. He turns back around to catch Katniss waving as she pulls away.

Peeta spends the rest of the day in prayer. Praying for strength. Praying for guidance,. Praying for a way to keep Katniss in his life.

The rest of the week passes and Peeta keeps to himself, locking himself in his room for hours on end trying to get his head around these feelings he has for Katniss Everdeen. He couldn't be more confused. He's never felt this way for another human being ever. When he is with her he never wants to leave her side. He doesn't think about other plans of responsibilities, when he is with her is is consumed by only her. Occasionally he had caught himself staring at her face, her lips, her form. Peeta would always look away. He knew that he shouldn't be looking at any woman the way he sometimes found he was looking at Katniss. He knew it was wrong. He knew it was perverse, but as time went on he found it harder and harder to tear his eyes away.

He looks forward to Sundays, feeling truly at peace, truly happy when he is with her. Her smiles and laughs warm his heart. But as he discovered today, her tears break his heart into small pieces that he isn't sure he can ever get back together. Somewhere over these past few months, Peeta has fallen in love with Katniss Everdeen.

"No Peeta, you are not in love with her," he talks out loud with himself as he lies on his bed, a pillow covering his face. "Damnit Peeta, you're a priest. You need to stop this ridiculousness. The war messed you up. Katniss Everdeen is your friend, nothing more."

He decides his pep talk has worked and rolls over onto his side. It's Saturday morning, but he doesn't feel like getting out of bed. He shuts his eyes for only a moment before there is a knock at his door.

He pulls open his rectory bedroom door to find a disheveled Father Abernathy standing there. The older priest is giving Peeta an appraising look.

"You alright kid? I don't think you've left this room all week." Father Abernathy says while glancing past Peeta into his room.

"Just feeling a little out of sorts. I'm better."

Father Abernathy cocks his head while studying Peeta's face.

"Well good because I need you to run confession today. I have some things to attend to."

"But..." Peeta starts, It's too late as the word bounces off the back of the older priest who is already retreating away from Peeta's room. Peeta groans out loud before shutting his door and throwing himself onto the bed once again.

Later in the day Peeta finds himself in the confessional booth. He had never seen the validity of confession. He could never understand how someone confessing that they were jealous of their neighbor was going to help anything, especially when nine times out of ten they would continue to be jealous of their neighbor. His time in the booth seems to drag, and he can't help wondering where Father Abernathy went. During his speculation, he hears the booth door on the other side of the separator open and close, and he sees the shadow of a person kneeling down Peeta can only hope that this person will be the last person to see him today; he is bored out of his mind.

That is until, he hears the person speak.

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last confession was three months ago."

_Katniss!_

Peeta can feel his blood turn to ice as he freezes up at the sound of Katniss's voice. Katniss, the woman he has relentlessly thought about this whole week, is here to offer him her confession and he can't even utter a word. Peeta shuts his eyes tightly, willing himself to say something.

"Hello," Katniss calls though the metal separator. "Father Abernathy, are you in there?" Peeta knows he should tell her it is him in here, that he should tell her he can't hear her confession, that his head is too jumbled with thoughts of her to give her absolution, but he doesn't. Instead, he deceives her with an ambiguous grunt which he hopes sounds convincingly like a noise Father Abernathy would make. After a moment, Katniss continues.

"Father I... Father I have fallen in love with a man I can't have. A man who has committed himself to someone else. But I... I can't stop thinking about him. When I'm with him, it's really the only time I feel truly happy. I..." She lets out a shaky breath. "I lay awake at night pleasuring myself to the thought of him."

Peeta feels a burning rage rush up his spine and burrow into the back of his skull. He can't believe what he is hearing, that Katniss, _his Katniss, _is in love with a married man.

_She was never yours,_ he reminds himself.

He feels anger and betrayal and...jealousy. He is jealous because somewhere in his mind he has hoped that she thought of him this way. That she lay awake at night saying _his_ name.

Peeta begins to feel lightheaded, his throat feels tight. He can't believe he is having these thoughts, these feelings. He feels sick to his stomach, but before he can stop himself the question falls out of his mouth.

"Who is it?" He didn't mean to speak; he has no right to ask her this. When he hears her gasp, he bites down on his fist, knowing how much he's messed this up.

"Peeta?" Katniss's voice shakes. "What are you doing in there?" He can't find words again, so she begins to speak once more, her voice louder, angrier. "Why didn't you tell me it was you? Why did you let me confess that to you? And how dare you ask who it is? What does that even matter to you?"

Peeta is stunned by her anger, by her confession and by his own deception. He hears her give a frustrated yell before he sees her shadow rise and storm out of the confessional.

By the time Peeta snaps himself out of his stupor and rushes out his side of the booth, Katniss is almost near the exit of the church.

"Katniss, wait, please.!" he calls out to her. His words stop her, but she is slow to turn around. When she finally does, Peeta can see the scowl on her face from where he stands. At first she stands her ground, staring at him, but then begins to storm towards him. Peeta wonders if he is about to be slapped.

"Do you want to know who it is!?" she screeches at him as she approaches.

I... uh...I." Peeta can't manage to form words.

"Do you really want to know?" she says when she is right in front of him. Peeta just stands there staring, not uttering a word. He continues to stand there as she grabs the back of his neck with her hand, pulling his head down towards her and crashing his lips into her own. He doesn't move, he doesn't breathe. He can't feel anything besides the pressure of her lips on his. Before this moment, Peeta had kissed two other girls in his life. One was a quick peck by a girl in the school yard when he was very young, he doesn't recall her name. The second kiss was with his friend Madge, who insisted on showing him what he would be missing if he joined the priesthood. It had made him feel awkward. This kiss however is the first kiss that has made him want another. After a few seconds, she pulls away, grief apparent on her face as fat tears roll down her cheeks. She looks into his eyes only briefly before stomping off, the sound of her heels rapidly hitting the floor in time with his racing heart.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

Peeta sits in his usual seat offset from the pulpit where Father Abernathy gives his sermon. Today's topic is about making tough decisions, and an irrational part of his brain thinks the words the older priest speaks are for him.

Peeta has been scanning the church the entire mass, hoping that he can find her in the crowd. He didn't sleep last night. Instead, he spent the night thinking about Katniss, and then about the sacred vows he took to become a priest, among them his vow of celibacy, and about what he should do next. He thought about discussing the problem with Father Abernathy, but what would Peeta say? How could he possibly explain to the older priest that as a man who has seen war, death and unimaginable horrors could have his heart done in by the love of a woman? A beautiful, amazingly strong woman whose mercury-colored eyes invade his waking thoughts, whose raven-colored tresses smell like the woods, whose small hands fit perfectly into his, whose soft, sultry voice speaks to him on a level that no one else's has, and whose smile makes his breath catch and his heart skip a beat.

Peeta suddenly feels a twitch in his pants and warmth in his gut. He shifts uncomfortably in his chair, begging his brain to think of something else, anything other than Katniss Everdeen. He scans the church only to connect eyes with Mrs. Cartwright, who is giving him a curious look. Peeta can feel a heat rise from beneath his collar on its way to his cheeks. He quickly turns to face Father Abernathy, whose sermon is just ending. He doesn't look for Katniss again.

After church as he shakes hands on the stone steps of the church, he still doesn't see Katniss anywhere, but he does make eye contact with Mrs. Cartwright again more than once. The woman does not approach him like she did that first Sunday; rather she studies him with narrowed eyes from a distance. Peeta swallows roughly, hoping and praying that she didn't see his discomfort during mass.

When all the parishioners have left, Peeta remains, staring out onto the street, looking for any sign of her. His heart sinks when he finds that it is empty. He tries to tell himself that it's a good thing that she isn't here, that they need their space from each other . He wants to do the right thing and keep to his vows, to his promise to God. He knows what he wants, but then why does his decision feel so wrong? Why is the thought of not seeing her face today ripping his heart to pieces?

Peeta suddenly feels a strong hand on his shoulder. He looks over to see Father Abernathy's warm gray eyes searching Peeta's face. He squeezes Peeta's shoulder before retreating into the building without saying a word. Peeta isn't sure why the older priest did it or what it was supposed to mean, but it affected Peeta nonetheless. It comforts him and hardens his resolve.

Peeta cannot deny that his feeling for Katniss have grown into love. These past three months have been the best months of his life. It is for this reason that he wants to make this right between Katniss and himself. He wants to repay her by doing the right thing for both of them. This beautiful, loving young woman deserves a full life, not a life attached to a priest. Katniss deserves a man like Gale that will love her wholly, but whom she can love wholly back. Because Peeta loves her, he wants this for her. Because he loves her, he's going to let her go.

XXX

That night, he quickly drifts off to sleep, having not slept the night before. He expects the familiar images of war to engulf his mind, but those dreams never come. Instead his dream starts with him still lying in his bed.

_Peeta hears a knock on his bedroom door. He rises from his slumber and makes his way across the room. He feels like he is floating. When he pulls the door open, his breath catches. Before him stands Katniss, dressed completely in white linen. _

"_Peeta." Her voice is breathless. _

_Suddenly Peeta is sitting on the edge of his bed, unsure how he got there, but when he looks up, he meets Katniss's quicksilver eyes, which are glowing in the moonlight pouring through his small window. _

_Katniss raises her hand to cup Peeta's cheek. He leans into her touch, feeling the warmth of her hand penetrate him, settling in his chest. _

"_Peeta." She speaks his name again, and it sounds like she is begging, begging for something he's not sure how to give her. He studies her face for answers. _

_Katniss takes her hand and places it on his chest and begins to push him backwards till he is lying flat on the bed. She climbs up his body, the collar of her linen shirt hanging low, so Peeta can see the swells of her breasts. He lets out a low groan at the sight. Katniss smirks at his reaction. _

_Soon she is straddling Peeta's waist, her linen skirt riding up and resting high on her bare thighs. Without asking for permission, Peeta's hands grasp onto her knees before sliding up the soft creamy flesh of her legs, stopping when they reach her uppermost thighs. He tightens his grasp. Katniss releases a soft moan at the touch. _

_Katniss begins rolling her hips, adding a perfect amount of friction to his now rock-hard cock. He can feel his heart pound in his chest, and his breathing picks up at the delicious feeling of her against him. He moans her name while bucking his hips up to meet her core. _

"_Peeta," she begs again, and her voice tears at him. He looks into her hooded eyes, and his chest tightens. "Peeta, I need you." He doesn't hesitate. He pushes himself up, knocking Katniss down, her back crashing onto the bed. Peeta now hovers above her, kneeling between her spread legs. He stares down at her flushed skin, her parted lips, her long lean legs. _

"_Kiss me," Katniss calls out, snapping his attention back to her face. He leans down and takes her lips with his. The kiss is hard and heated. Katniss's hands find their way to Peeta's hair, tugging roughly, making him groan against her mouth. _

_Peeta slants his mouth to deepen the kiss. When Katniss glides her tongue against his, Peeta feels the effects of it in his now painfully-throbbing erection. Katniss breaks her mouth away, creating a trail of kisses from the corner of his mouth to the shell of his ear. _

_ "I want you to have me, all of me." Her words are thick like honey. It is then that Peeta notices they are both completely naked and that instead of lying on his bed in the rectory, they are sprawled in the grass under the shade of tall trees. "Please, Peeta." He's heard enough. _

_ Peeta lines himself up at her entrance before thrusting into her, and he feels like this could be heaven, that his immortal soul could stay in this moment forever. _

_ He continues to move in and out of her, reveling in the feel of her around him. He looks at her face, into her eyes, and he feels it. He feels what he has been missing his whole life. _

_ He finally finds his voice. "I love you, Katniss." _

_ At first, he can see the joy in her face from his confession, but then her eyes pool with worry. _

_ "Stay with me," she pleads._

_ "Always." he whispers back._

Peeta jolts upright in his bed, his breathing erratic, sweat covering his brow. He looks around, taking in his surroundings, confirming that he is alone. But the dream was so vivid. It was her eyes, her voice, her warmth. Now the only thing that remains of his dream are the images in his head and his painfully swollen erection.

It is not like Peeta has never suffered from this sometimes unavoidable biological response, but he has learned ways to deal with it using mental exercises and prayer. Masturbation was never allowed, and it's something Peeta hasn't thought about doing since he was a teenager. Yet here he is, and his normal methods aren't working, and it aches; he aches for her.

He tells himself how wrong this is, but that doesn't stop his hand from sneaking under his sheet, winding down his stomach. He throws his head back and swears under his breath as his hands wraps around his throbbing erection. He hisses through his teeth as he pumps his hand once before halting his movement at the base.

A part of him knows how wrong this is, how perverted, how it is against everything he believes in. He wills himself to think of anything besides her, to stop this, to sleep it off. He tries and fails. She has saturated his everything, and as he feels his hand pump his length once more, he realizes she has left him weak. She has taken everything he believes, everything he holds dear and shattered it in pieces around him. He feels his anger build as his orgasm does. He continues to beg himself to stop, but he can't find the will to comply. He pictures her face, a dandelion behind her ear when he comes with a loud grunt, a feeling he hasn't felt in so long wracking his body, throttling him into a euphoric haze before dropping him in a pool of guilt.

His breathing levels out and his heart stops hammering in his chest, and now the only thing he feel is an emptiness inside him.

XXX

As the days pass, his contempt grows. He is angry at Katniss; he is angry at himself, angry at the situation and that it went on as long as it did. His mind is happy that he hasn't heard from Katniss, even if his soul and heart are slowly breaking, wondering where she is and if she is alright.

He begins to feel anxious and paranoid, panicking that people can see his sin on him. By the following Sunday, his nerves are shot. He is antsy as he sits through the Father's sermon about sacrificing for your fellow man. The words start to jumble in his brain, leaving Peeta feeling lost and confused. He doesn't try to look for Katniss amongst the parishioners; he doesn't want to see her.

He just wants to feel normal again.

Save for the ache in his heart, he is relieved when he doesn't see her when church lets out. On the stone steps he tries to concentrate on the people he speaks with, trying to keep his head and heart with them. Just like the previous Sunday he catches Mrs. Cartwright glaring at him. He wonders if he should approach the woman and ask her what he's done to offend her, but she disappears before he gets the chance.

As he walks back into the church, he is alone, Father Abernathy having already retreated to his room. Peeta likes the empty feel the church has now. He wanders over to the candle room. The small area has an altar of white candles in red votives surrounded by statues of various saints. The candles are usually lit by those who wish to pray to a saint for themselves or a loved one. Peeta decides to light one for her and one for himself and this messed-up situation.

As he enters, he stops short at the sight of woman kneeling in front of the altar in prayer, a scarf around her head.

"Oh, excuse me." Peeta begins to back out of the room quickly."I didn't mean to disturb..." The woman turns around, stopping him in his tracks. Katniss stares at him, her face streaked with tears, her eyes red-rimmed, black bags hanging underneath them. "Katniss." Peeta says, for a moment not being able to tear his eyes away from her. "I'm sorry, I'll leave." He intends to exit the room until he hears her speak.

"Peeta, please don't go." He can hear the emotion in her voice, and it takes everything in him not to turn around, not to take her into his arms, to soothe away her tears. But he can't. He needs to end this here and now before they are both damned.

"Katniss... I..." He keeps his back to her as he speak. "I can't be... here." He wants to walk away, but his legs are stuck; he feels like he is in quicksand.

"I love you, Peeta."

"Katniss... stop."

"I tried not to, I tried to tell myself how wrong this was. I'm just some fucked up girl who fell in love with her priest, but it's more than that. It goes so much deeper than that. I...I can't survive without you."

Peeta's chest hurts, he's dizzy, and he can't breathe. He silently begs his legs to move, but they stay planted where they are.

"Katniss I..." He has to stop talking and take in gulps of air before continuing. "I can't be what you need me to be. I can't be the man you need. The man you deserve." His mouth feels dry as he desperately tries to catch his breath.

"Peeta, please I love you." He knows she is crying now.

"Katniss, this needs to stop." He still refuses to turn to look at her.

"I love you so much."

"Stop it." His voice rises, anger starting to well up inside of him. Why doesn't she get it, why doesn't she understand that there is no future for them?

"And you know what?" He can hear her voice close in on him, and a shiver runs up his spine. "I think you love me too." Peeta's blood runs cold at her words, but he is finally able to move his legs once again.

"I have to go." Peeta whispers as he begins to walk away from this room, from this conversation, and from her.

"Please," Katniss calls to him. Suddenly she is right behind him. He feels her hand grasp onto his shoulder to halt his movements. The heat from her hand burns him through his clothes.

"Stay with me?" She asks the same way she did in the dream, and he is back under that tree, inside of her. He wants to tell her that he will always stay with her, that he will be everything she wants, but he can't, he won't. He can't be with her, and nothing has angered him more. He's angry at God, at himself. He wishes she would just shut her mouth and let him leave. He tries to go again, ignoring her question, but not having an answer anyways.

"Admit it!" she screams at his backside as she keeps pace with his movements. "Admit you love me!"

"Shut up, Katniss."

"Then tell me you don't. Tell me you don't love me and I will never speak to you again! You will never see me again." Her words cause him nothing but excruciating pain. _Stop it,_ he begs silently. "See, you can't deny it. So admit it." She grabs his arm. "Admit you love me."

Peeta can't be sure if he actually _does_ love her because in this moment, he has never hated anyone more. He turns suddenly, knocking her hand away from his arm. In a quick movement he grabs Katniss's face with one hand, holding her firmly by her jaw. Her eyes widen as he tightens his grip. He knows he is probably hurting her, but he can't find it in him to stop. He needs her to stop talking.

"Stop, Katniss, stop this now!" he shouts at her, pushing her back further into the small room. He doesn't stop until she is pinned against the far wall. "I..." he wants to tell her he doesn't love her. "I..." He wants to tell her that he hates her. "I..." Then he looks at her lips.

Peeta crashes his mouth against Katniss's with such force that she whimpers against him, but soon her mouth begins to move with his, her hands winding themselves in his hair. The kiss is not loving or gentle. It is rough and painful. Both of them hurt from it, but neither of them stop. They can't stop. Peeta's hands drop down to hold Katniss's hips, his own hips keeping her pinned to the wall.

Their kiss seems endless; it tells a story, and Peeta's side needs to end it with a good-bye, but he never gets there because a gasp from behind Peeta breaks them apart. There, standing in the doorway, is a very shocked and almost giddy Mrs. Cartwright. Peeta swears under his breath before trying to speak, but the older woman is out of the room before he can even utter a word. His stomach sinks.

Peeta turns back to Katniss, not sure if he's about to cry or scream. She remains pressed against the wall, her chest heaving with each breath. Her face is flushed, and the bow that is her lips is swollen and red. Her eyes sparkle with something that looks akin to hope, and Peeta knows he is about to break her heart... and his own. He leans forward, pressing his lips gently to her forehead, feeling her soft skin against his one last time. His fingers slide down a lock of her hair before he speaks.

"I can't be who you want me to be. I'm sorry." His voice cracks at the end, and he can see the anguish begin to consume Katniss's face. Before he loses what little resolve he has left, he turns and exits the room as quickly as he can. The only sounds he hears are the blood rushing in his ears and Katniss 's voice screaming his name in between her sobs.

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	5. Chapter 5

Peeta wasn't at all surprised when he's called to Father Abernathy's office; in fact he's expecting it. When Mrs. Cartwright had walked in on his moment of weakness with Katniss Everdeen, he knew that the town gossip would waste no time in reporting her discovery. Peeta expects that he will be reassigned to a new parish and most likely defrocked for the time being. The probable punishment doesn't bother him, and the relocation will be welcomed.

Peeta hesitates for just a moment before knocking on the office door.

"Come in." He hears the familiar gruffness of the older priest's voice. Peeta opens the door and spots Father Abernathy sitting at his desk, and is not surprised to see Bishop Heavensbee in a chair across from the father.

"Bishop, Father." Peeta greets the men as he steps into the room.

"Sit down, Father Mellark." Father Abernathy gestures towards the chair next to the Bishop. Peeta tries to swallow down the lump in his throat before taking a seat. He glances across to Father Abernathy, whose dark gray eyes hold an emotion that Peeta can't quite decipher. To his right, Bishop Heavensbee sighs. .

"Father Mellark." The bishop sounds completely exasperated. "You have engaged in inappropriate behavior with a parishioner and were caught doing so by another parishioner. Do you understand how serious this situation is? " The Bishop's voice is strong, commanding Peeta's full attention. Peeta nods once.

"I cannot begin to express how sorry I am about all of this, Bishop Heavensbee. I had a moment of weakness, but I can assure you it has passed, and I will accept any punishment you see fit. I look forward to my reassignment." Peeta chances to glance at Father Abernathy, and is surprised by the sadness that is apparent on his face.

"Have you had any contact with this young woman since this incident?" the Bishop asks.

"No sir, and I don't plan to." Peeta surprises himself with the firm resolve in his tone.

Bishop Heavensbee's severe expression softens. He leans over and pats Peeta gently on his bad knee.

"I know you've been through alot, and I don't feel its necessary to punish you over a crisis of faith, especially since I know you are going to punish yourself far worse than I ever could".The bishop stands, looking to Father Abernathy. "I will talk to you both soon regarding Father Mellark's new assignment. It should be all arranged by week's end." He nods to both priests before leaving the office.

Peeta remains in his chair, looking at his hands in his lap, not entirely sure what to do now. Father Abernathy sighs loudly before slumping down in his chair.

Peeta expected more disciplinary action to be taken by the Bishop; he knows he deserved it, and he should be punished for what he did. He broke his oath to God, and he broke Katniss's heart. His own shattered heart is an afterthought.

It's the thought of Father Abernathy being disappointed in him that leaves him feeling ashamed and completely alone. Peeta looks up to the older man sitting across from him, prepared to hear whatever he has to say, but instead sees a rueful smile on the older priest's face.

"I'm sorry kid, I should have said something to you the minute I knew that busybody was sniffing around," Father Abernathy sighs and scrubs his face with his hand. " And I should have come and spoken with you the minute I saw what was going on." His expression is remorseful.

"This wasn't your fault." Peeta shakes his head in confusion. Haymitch hangs his head low.

"No, kid, I saw what was happening. I knew I should have stopped it, should have talked to you, but I didn't. I let it continue because..." He rubs the back of his neck before finally looking up to meet Peeta's stare. "Because that girl needed something. I just couldn't see her hurting anymore." Father Abernathy's eyes harden as he speaks.

"First it was Prim. Sweetest little thing. The spitting image of her mother, blonde hair and blue eyes. She passed away when Katniss was twelve. Three years later her daddy drops dead, bad heart I heard. Her mama completely shut down, leaving Katniss to take care of them both. That's a whole lot of responsibility for a young girl of fifteen to handle on her own. Then when it looks like things can't get any worse two years after that her mama puts a bullet into her own head." Father Abernathy releases a shaky breath.

Peeta is stunned; he had no idea about Katniss's mother or how young Katniss was when all the people she loved passed away. He's in awe of how she was responsible for herself and her grown mother at just fifteen. His heart aches for her.

"It's why I couldn't do Gale Hawthorne's funeral. I couldn't bring myself to look into that poor girl's eyes as another person she loved was lowered into the ground." Suddenly he smiles. "Then I saw her around you, saw the way she looked at you, the way she smiled at you, and I thought to myself, here's someone who could help her out, who could give her hope. I wanted happiness for her so much that I chose to ignore the way you were looking back at her."

Father Abernathy gets up out of his seat and walks over to a small bookshelf in the corner of the room. He pulls out a copy of Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter before walking back over to Peeta. He flips the book in his hand, opening the back cover, pulling out a photograph and handing it to Peeta.

In the picture stands a woman about Peeta's age. She wears a dark-colored dress, has light hair and a brilliant smile, and her eyes are wide and shine with devotion.

"Who is she?" Peeta asks Father Abernathy.

"Her name is Maysilee Donner. She was a friend of mine, and I was in love with her." Peeta's mouth opens slightly at Father Abernathy's confession. Peeta doesn't dare speak, wanting desperately for the older man to continue.

"Our friendship started innocently enough, but our feelings very quickly grew into more than that. She never asked me to leave the priesthood, but I knew she wanted me to." He inhales deeply before continuing. "I loved her more than I have loved anyone or anything in my entire life, but like a coward, I stayed with what I knew. Eventually she got sick of hoping I suppose."

"Where is she now?" Peeta asks, his heart speeding up as he realizes he's afraid of the answer.

"Her sister who comes to the parish told me she moved westward. She never got married or had a family, and about five years ago she... died." Peeta can see fat tears pooling in the bottom of the older priest's eyes. "All I have left is this picture, a picture I took close to 30 years ago."

Peeta glances at the picture one more time, entranced by the look of love on Maysilee's face as she gazes at the man behind the camera. He hands the photo back to Father Abernathy, who glances at it momentarily before putting it safely back into the book it came from and placing it on the shelf. When he returns to where Peeta is, he looks incredibly tired.

"That Saturday I had you hear confessions was her birthday. I don't know where she is buried, but on that day, I like to go to the places we visited together. I've been doing it since she died, and you know what I realize every year?"

"What?" Peeta asks as he feels a lump forming in his throat again.

"That I made the wrong decision. She was my true calling. I was a coward." Father Abernathy looks so lost as he speaks, like a part of him has been missing for so long. Peeta can feel the old man's pain, has been feeling his pain since he left Katniss in the candle room. .

"Now I'm not saying that you're in love with Katniss, though I suspect you might be, and I'm not saying that your calling to God isn't stronger than your feelings for her. I guess what I am trying to say is don't take the coward's path. Do what your heart tells you is right. That's the best advice I can give you." Father Abernathy walks up behind Peeta, putting his hand on his shoulder before squeezing gently. He hesitates for just a moment before letting go and walking out of the room.

Peeta's heart is heavy. He has never been so confused in his life. Every decision he has ever made came from his heart _and _his head, but this situation has left him feeling like he's drowning.

He paces and he prays to God for guidance.

He sketches and screams.

But mostly he thinks of her, of Katniss. When Father Abernathy was talking about his lost love, Peeta couldn't help but put himself into the older priest's shoes. He thought he was making the right decision, cutting her out of his life completely, but picturing Katniss moving away, never settling down, never finding someone to love her, to cherish her, it broke something in him. He thinks about her silver eyes, and how he always seemed to find hope while looking into their depths. Then he tries to imagine a life where that hope is lost to him forever.

His stomach feels sick and his head aches. His heart pounds painfully all night long. It is not until the early hours of the morning when he has finally made a decision that his body starts to feel a reprieve.

He writes a letter of resignation to the bishop, and a letter of thank you to Father Abernathy. He packs his small bag with the few possessions that his vow of poverty allows him to own. He pulls his collar off and his black pants and shirt before dressing himself in everyday clothing. Kneeling at the altar, he says a final prayer before he leaves St. Bridget's and the priesthood for good.

He hops on a bus and rides to Katniss's neighborhood. With cane in hand, he walks to her house. The modest-sized home with the chipped green paint is nestled in the corner of a dead-end street. As Peeta approaches, he notices that Katniss's car is nowhere to be seen. His heart sinks, but he is resolved to sit on her front stoop until she returns. When he approaches the steps, however, he sees the "For Sale" sign in the window.

His breath catches in his throat, and his vision becomes blurry. He peers into the house beyond the sign, finding it completely empty. Peeta's head feels like it is in a vice grip. He slumps down onto the front stairs and throws his cane in anger. His head falls into his hands.

"What am I going to do now?" he mutters. Peeta can't think of where she would go. He had no idea she was planning on selling her house, and he wonders if he has anything to do with this decision.

Peeta gets up, dusting the seat of his gray slacks before walking over to retrieve his cane and stalking away from the abandoned house. As he walks, he's not sure where he will go next. He wants to find her, but how? He knows he can't go back to the church. Even if he wanted to he knows that his love for Katniss is greater than his faith. Even if he never sees her again, he knows now that he can never be whole as a priest.

Peeta is not sure how long he walks, but at some point, a black pickup truck pulls up next to him.

"Father Mellark!" Peeta turns to see a friendly older man by the name of Beetee hanging out his window, waving in greeting. "Do you need a ride somewhere?" Now that Peeta is not lost in his own thoughts, he notices the prominent pain in his leg. He smiles kindly at the older gentlemen before getting into the truck. When Mr. Beetee asks, "Where to?" Peeta can't find the words. He's not sure where to go or where he belongs. Finally he just directs the man to a place he remembers being happy.

He thanks Mr. Beetee and climbs out of the car. The man waves before pulling away. Peeta enters the woods and takes the familiar path to the hidden waterfall that Katniss brought him to the first day they spent time together alone.

Peeta sits down in front of the nature-made wonder. He isn't sure where he is going to go, where he's going to live. He doesn't know where Katniss is or how to go about finding her, but he can't dwell on that right now. Right now, all he wants to do is draw the scene in front of him and find some peace of mind.

Peeta extracts his sketchbook and a pencil from his bag before going to work on his drawing. He sketches for what seems like hours, getting every minute detail of the sparkling water as it flows over the rock outcropping, every blade of grass that surrounds the body of water, and every tree that shadows where he sits. He is so focused on his drawing, this last bit of peace he can find, that he doesn't notice when she silently approaches him.

She is just a few steps away when he finally looks up at her. His body does not react like it normally does around Katniss Everdeen. Instead he studies her cautiously, not willing to believe that this is nothing more than a dream or a cruel joke.

Katniss looks down at him, eyes wide, biting her bottom lip, her hands shaking. They don't move, they don't touch; they just stare, each trying to decide if the other is in fact real.

Peeta is the first to break the silence. "You're leaving."

"Yes." Katniss's voice sounds distant. "I went by the church to say goodbye to Father Abernathy. I wanted him to give you a letter." She pulls a crumpled envelope out of the pocket of her skirt, gesturing it towards Peeta. "He told me that you were gone. What did you do?" Her voice raises, her tone audibly panicked.

"I left the church. I can't be a priest."

"Why?" she demands. Peeta takes a deep breath, never breaking eye contact with the woman standing before him. He can feel his breathing pick up and his hands become clammy.

"Because it isn't my calling. Because..." He takes a big gulp of air. "I left because I love you."

"You do?" Katniss asks before her bottom lip begins to quake, her eyes fill with tears. Peeta can't tear his eyes from her, he nods. A tense silence falls over them.

"What did the letter say?" Peeta breaks the silence once again. Katniss shrugs and shakes her head.

"It doesn't matter now." A small smile appears on her face, and it is silent again, other than the sound of falling water.

"Come with me?" She breaks the silence this time, her voice sending a pleasant shiver up his back.

"Of course," he answers, knowing at that moment, he would follow her anywhere.

They make it back to Katniss's Studebaker, which is parked on the street near the entrance to the woods. They both climb inside, but Katniss makes no move to start the car. Instead, she turns in her seat so she is facing Peeta. He mirrors her position.

"Peeta..."

"Katniss..." A nervous chuckle escapes both of them as they each look down shyly. When they look up again, they lock on each other's eyes, and Peeta finds he can't glance away anymore.

Ever so slowly their faces begin to inch towards each other. When they finally meet in the middle of the front seat, their lips press gently together. This kiss is nothing like the others they have shared. It is hesitant and shy.

Peeta loves the feel of her soft, warm lips against his. The kiss never deepens and after awhile, they pull away slightly, laying their foreheads against each other's, smiling, and for the first time in a long while, Peeta feels at ease.

Katniss eventually pulls back, grabbing hold of the steering wheel before starting the car.

"Where are we going?" Peeta asks her,very curious as to where this woman is taking him now. Katniss seems to contemplate the question, before asking.

"Where do you want to go?"

Peeta looks at her. "To be honest, I don't care where I go as long as I'm with you." His answer brings a smile to her lips, and she looks down again as her cheeks blush a dark pink. She shifts the car into drive as they head down the road, an infinite amount of possibilities lie in front of them. Katniss finally speaks as she steers the car south.

"I've always wanted to see the Appalachian Mountains."

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**And thank you so much for reading! :)**


	6. Epilogue

**Hi Everyone! So here's that epilogue I promised to post in May.. *looks around nervously* - Well I hope you enjoy it! :)**

**I want to dedicate this last installment to my beta and friend Court81981 in honor of her completing her epic journey 'A Favorable Wind'. If you have not had the pleasure of reading this fic then you are definitely missing out because it has everything you would want in a story... Adventure, Suspense, Sexy Sailors, Glorious Smut and of course...Everlark!**

**And with that I hope you enjoy!**

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Three months later...

The pickup truck filled with the rest of his crew drops Peeta off in front of his modest blue house with the white picket fence. The front of the house is lined with red and yellow primroses. Peeta had planted them in honor of a young girl he would never meet but has heard so much about.

He's home from work earlier than usual. Construction on the house his crew is building on the other side of town was halted because supplies ran out. Materials have been hard to come by since the war ended. Peeta was lucky to have found a job in construction at all.

When Peeta and Katniss came across the town of Martinsburg, West Virginia three months ago, they both instantly fell in love with it. They found a house right away, and paid for it out of the money Katniss received for selling her home back in Connecticut.

Peeta searched for work right away, but most jobs revolved around the coal industry, the major resource around the Appalachian Mountains. Katniss begged him not to take a job in the coal mines, at one point bursting into tears as she explained the foreboding feeling she had about the profession. She had insisted that she could find work too besides the hunting she did to put fresh meat on their table, but Peeta had not felt right about the idea.

So it was by chance that Peeta met Abraham Oates.

_Peeta had watched the tall dark-haired man exit a bank on the main street in town. As the man turned down the sidewalk, Peeta watched a dark object fall from the gentleman's pocket. When he got closer he saw it was a leather wallet. The bifold was heavy, and he could see the green corners of bills poking out from the opening. _

_ Peeta looked up just in time to watch the owner turn a corner. He looked down at the wallet once again, opened it, looked inside and let out a shaky breath when he saw the vast number of bills folded inside—most of which were not ones and fives. For a moment Peeta actually thought about rushing home with the wallet. He knew their money was running out quickly, and he didn't want to fail Katniss. But instead he took a deep breath and started to run up the street. When he spotted the man, he slowed to a jog and called out to him._

_ "Sir, excuse me, sir. I think you dropped this." He waved the wallet in his hand as he approached the man. The owner's mouth dropped open as he closed the distance between himself and Peeta. _

_ "I...oh God, thank you so much. I..." He started shaking his head, and he opened the wallet, looking at the contents briefly before pulling out a few bills and pushing them towards Peeta. "Please take this," he insisted. "You saved my life." _

_ As much as Peeta would have liked to have taken the money he refused, his guilt over having had the thought to take the wallet for his own weighing heavily over him. The man quirked an eyebrow at Peeta in confusion._

_ "What's your name?" the man asked._

_ "Peeta, sir."_

_ "Well Peeta, what do you do for work?" Peeta froze. He has not had this question asked to him before, and he's wasn't sure how to answer it so instead he said the first thing that came to mind._

_ "I was in the military, sir."_

_ "What branch?"_

_ "Army, sir." _

_The man rubbed his finger under his nose while studying Peeta. "Well Peeta, here's the thing. I need strapping young men like you to come work at my lumber yard, so if you find you need the work, I want you to come down to 'Martinsburg Lumber Company' on Washington Ave, and ask for me, Abraham Oates, and I'll get you a job."_

_ Peeta's shock must have been apparent on his face because the man began to chuckle._

_ "It's the least I can do for a fellow war vet and an honest man." He lifted his wallet up._

_ "Thank you, sir." Peeta couldn't believe his luck. His stomach flipped excitedly as he ran, sore leg and all, the rest of the way home to tell Katniss the good news. _

_ The next morning when Peeta arrived at the lumber yard, Abraham was happy to see him and gave Peeta a job right away. _

Peeta enters the house through the side door that leads into the kitchen. As soon as he walks in, his foot splats into a small pool of liquid. When he looks around, he sees a thin layer of water over most of the kitchen floor. In front of him the cabinet doors that lead under the sink are wide open and Katniss is kneeling on the ground. Half her body is in the cabinet while the bottom half of her, which is clad in tight blue pants, is swaying with her movements. Water sprays out all around her, and Peeta can hear the clanging of metal tools against cast iron pipes.

Peeta knows he should run to help her, but he is momentarily paralyzed as he admires the way the clingy blue material hugs the swell of her ass. It is not until the water stops and Katniss begins to back out of the cabinet that he is able to tear his gaze away. She stands and turns around, jumping a little in shock when she sees him, but a smile quickly lights up her face.

"We had a leak," Katniss admits sheepishly. "But I think I have it under control." Peeta only nods in response as he stares at her.

The front of her blue pants are wet. She wears one of Peeta's blue button-down shirts tied into a knot just below her navel revealing her bare midriff . It is soaked, allowing the material to cling to her breasts. Her hair is held up with a damp red bandana, but a ringlet of dark hair cascades down the side of her face. Katniss scratches the side of her head hidden by the bandana with the wrench in her hand as she explains what happened, but all he can think is that Rosie the Riveter has nothing on Katniss Everdeen as he feels his cock begin to stir. His heart hammers against his chest and he knows he needs to leave the room until he can calm himself down, but he can't tear his eyes away from her.

In the time they have been together they have done no more than kiss even though they have slept entwined around each other in the same bed since discovering they both have nightmares. Occasionally their kisses became more heated, but they have never gone any farther despite Katniss's willingness.

Peeta has never wanted anything like he wants Katniss. He wants to feel her naked flesh against his, to feel her move underneath him. His need for her is painful at times, so much so that Peeta has had no choice but to grasp his length in his hands and pump it until he cries out her name. Yet for all his want, making that final leap both terrifies him and inundates him with guilt.

Katniss has made it clear that she will wait forever if she needs to for him to be ready, but the way her hooded eyes cloud and the way her erect nipples drag against his chest during a frantic kiss tell him she wants him too.

At one point Katniss had asked if he wanted to be married before they consummated their relationship. She told him she would be his wife in a heartbeat if he wanted her to be, and although the idea of marrying Katniss crosses his mind at least half a dozen times a day, that is not what is stopping him. It's just the want he has for her makes him feel guilty—it is so new to him and still feels very wrong.

But now here he stands, entranced by the wet clothing plastered to her soft curves and he can feel his pants tent in response. Katniss' words trail off as she glances down and catches sight of his arousal. His breath hitches in his throat when he sees where her eyes are directed. He feels heat crawl up his neck and onto his cheeks.

"I...uh...I'm going to get something to clean this up," he mumbles, eyes downcast to the floor. He turns quickly, making his escape from the kitchen.

"Wait, Peeta!" She calls out to him. "Please." The way she says please catches him off guard. He stops and turns back to face her.

Katniss splashes through water with her bare feet as she approaches him and stops just inches from him. Peeta gulps as he feels his resolve weaken with her proximity to him. He looks up and meets her mercury colored eyes. For a moment they just stare at eachother, no sounds escaping besides the quickened pace of their breathing. Katniss eventually breaks the stare, and she bites down hard on her bottom lip as she leans in, her lips so close that they brush against his ear.

"Do you feel that?" Her voice is a hoarse whisper "That hunger?" Peeta can do nothing but nod. He knows this hunger she talks about—the one that originates from the lower part of his gut and burns through his veins leaving him desperate for the ache to be satisfied.

"I feel that same hunger every damn time that I am with you," she practically groans into his ear, making his cock twitch. He gasps quietly when her hand makes contact with his stomach and then snakes its way down so it covers the proof of his hunger for her. She begins stroking it with her fingers, which causes Peeta to inhale his next breath sharply. "Sometimes," she continues, "it hurts to be around you because I can't manage to catch my breath and the pain of not being able to be with you the way I want to is just too much." She moves her hand to cup him and massage his rigid erection. He whimpers under her ministrations. Katniss pulls back so she can look into his lidded eyes once again. He shivers when he sees the pooling lust in hers.

"I love you, Peeta, and I will wait as long as you need me to, but you need to stop fighting this." Peeta stares intently at her lips as she speaks. "What you feel, what you want is not wrong in any way." She leans in and brushes her lips against his. "You have denied yourself pleasure long enough, Peeta." The movement of her mouth against his as she speaks sends shocks down to his groin. Her eyes meet his again.

"Do you want me?" And while the answer to her question is obvious there is a nervous edge to her voice. Peeta can barely keep his erratic thoughts straight; his worry, his guilt, his paranoia are all clawing at the forefront of his brain, but this question he knows the answer to.

"Yes."

"Then take off my shirt." Peeta moans at the request, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, and his shaky hands lift automatically to the the knot that rests just below her navel. With clumsy hands he manages to untie the knot that is swollen with water, the shirt tails falling down in a sheet of wrinkled material.

Peeta's hands then move up the length of the button-down till he reaches the top button and slowly as his breathing quickens, he undoes every single one. Once the shirt is unbuttoned, his hands grasp on to either side near the shoulders. He looks to Katniss for permission, and she nods once before he pushes the material off of her shoulders. It falls behind her, pooling on the floor, exposing her bare breasts to him.

Peeta's cock pulsates painfully in his pants as he stares at the two perfect mounds of olive-colored flesh. His instinct is to reach up and knead their pliableness with his fingers, but his anxiety stops him.

"Peeta." He moves his eyes up to hers. "Touch me," she begs. "Please." He swallows his nerves and hesitantly reaches towards her breasts.

At first he just lets the tips of his fingers trace the outline of her pebbled nipples, but then he becomes more brave and takes the nipples between two fingers, rolling them gently. Katniss releases a sigh as he does, which spurs him on. He covers her breasts with his hands and begins squeezing the flesh gently. She moans loudly and pushes into Peeta's hands.

He drags the tips of his fingers over her breasts, down her flat stomach, and rests his hands on her hips, leaving a trail of raised skin in his wake. He looks to her, eager for further instruction.

"Kiss me," she whispers. Peeta wastes no time cupping the back of Katniss's head with one hand and pulling her mouth to his. His other hand grasps her hip tightly as he traces her bottom lip with his tongue, begging for entrance. Katniss complies, opening her mouth, allowing his tongue to wrestle with hers. Her hands reach up between them, and she begins fumbling with the buttons of his brown shirt. Her movements startle Peeta, and he breaks his mouth away from hers.

"What are...?" But the rest of the words die in his throat as he looks down at Katniss. The feelings he has for her are indescribable. Why should he not be with her this way, this woman who brought him a love and inner peace, but also a hunger he has never felt before? Instead of trying to stop it, he lifts her off the ground so her waist is flush with his. Katniss wraps her legs around him, putting delicious pressure on his throbbing erection. He moans and his forehead hits her shoulder, his lips gently touch her skin, as his hips buck into hers

"Bedroom," she directs as her mouth latches on to suckle on soft flesh of his ear. Peeta walks quickly across the hall, trailing water as he goes. When he walks over to the foot of the bed—_their bed—_, he leans over, resting Katniss down while he hovers over her. As he finishes the removal of his shirt, he thinks back to the first time they were ever in this bed together...

_It was only a few days after they had moved into the house. On the drive from Connecticut to West Virginia, the guilt began to fill Peeta. He never doubted his love for Katniss, but had he done the right thing? Had he just flippantly disregarded the vows and beliefs he held so dear? The more miles that were put between them and St. Bridget's, the more anxious Peeta became. It was for this reason that when Katniss showed him the bedroom for the first time, he said he would be more comfortable on the couch. He could see the hurt in her eyes, and he wanted to take it back, to be for her the man that she deserved. But as he went to open his mouth, to explain he was a fool, she stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm, the hurt from moments before replaced with a look of understanding, sympathy and love. So for the next two nights Peeta slept in the living room. _

_ On night three Peeta awoke from his own nightmare, this one about the man who had been standing next to Peeta when a Japanese soldier shot him in the head. Once the sound of his own blood pumping quieted he heard a scream coming from across the hall. He was at her door in seconds, not bothering to knock when he heard the intensity and fear behind her wails._

_ Katniss thrashed in the bed, her blankets wrapped around her legs, her hands clenched in fists fighting off some unseen horror. Peeta was at her side quickly. He grabbed her wrists first then placed a knee in between her legs as he leaned close to her face, though she continued to wrench it from side to side._

_ "Katniss," he called to her in a voice as calm as he could muster. "Katniss, sweetheart, wake up please. It's just a dream. It's not real. Not real. Not real." His words coaxed Katniss awake. Her eyes flew open and after a moment of shocked confusion, her attention fell on the man hovering above her._

_ "Peeta?" she asked shakily before bursting into tears. Peeta rolled onto the bed next to her and quickly gathered Katniss into his arms, pulling her into his chest. She grasped onto his t-shirt while she continued to cry. He ran his fingers through her hair, and planted kisses on the top of her head while talking softly to her, letting her know that she was alright, that she was safe with him. _

_ "Stay with me?" she asked when her tears finally ceased and she was able to pull back and look at him, her eyes bloodshot, her face splotchy and stained with tears._

_ "Always," he whispered wrapped around each other, clinging for dear life and then finally found sleep. _

The dreams have not stop completely when he lies with her in his arms, but they do come less frequently for both of them.

Now Peeta is in bed with her for an entirely different reason, one he never thought possible, one he had been afraid to give into. But now that he is here and his exposed chest moves gently against Katniss's breasts, his mouth sucking in the swell of her lower lip, Katniss's hands thrusted into the hair on his head, he doesn't think he could stop. Peeta's anxiety has been swallowed by his need to feel himself inside of her.

Katniss has stopped giving him orders and has instead begun keening as Peeta plants open-mouthed kisses from her mouth, down her slender neck over her collarbone all the way down to her breast. He takes the nipple into his mouth and sucks greedily. Katniss moans loudly as Peeta takes her other breast into his hand. She begins bucking her hips up, meeting the top of Peeta's thigh.

"Peeta," she begs. "Please." Peeta pulls his mouth away from her breast and looks up to see Katniss's eyes cloudy with want, staring down at him.

"What do you need me to do? Just tell me," he pleads. Katniss takes a shuddering breath, her face flushed.

"Take off my pants." She pops the button and pulls down her zipper. "My underwear too," she adds.

Peeta licks his lips before hooking his fingers in the waist of the blue slacks, and he gives them a tug. Katniss lift her hips to help his efforts and soon she is completely naked in front of him. He drags his eyes down her body, stopping at the patch of dark, downy curls that seem to almost glisten in the sun-bathed room. His breath hitches as he takes in how absolutely stunning she is. When he looks back up to her face, he finds her eyes on the tent in his pants. At first he is embarrassed, ashamed even, but the wild, ravenous look in her eyes makes his rigid cock somehow swell more.

"Take off your pants and underwear too," she instructs, her eyes never leaving his groin. He toes off his shoes and peels his socks off, but the anxiety and nervousness along with his need to release his painful erection gives him bumbling hands, but finally his pants have pooled to the ground. The groan of relief that Peeta emits as he pushes the waistband of his underwear past his erection, allowing it to spring free, causes Katniss to bite her bottom lip. Peeta watches her eyes widen and her jaw unhinge when she looks at his freed length.

"You're...um."

Peeta looks down, trying to figure out what is wrong, but has nothing to base it on. "What?" he asks sheepishly.

"You're big," she admits. Peeta can feel himself blush.

While in the military, even though he was the chaplain, that did not make him immune to hearing the conversations of lonely soldiers. Most of the men didn't mind talking about their raunchy rendezvous with him, mostly because he was a lot younger than the other chaplains. Peeta had heard the men constantly brag about how well endowed they all were, though he never saw proof of this.

"Is that ok?" Peeta asks lamely, his nerves starting to resurface. Katniss nods, a devilish smirk on her face.

"Come here, lie down with me." She pats the bed next to her. Peeta's breathing picks up as he crawls on hands and knees up the length of the bad, coming to a stop next to Katniss. He lies on his side and faces her. He is so close that his swollen cock rests against her outer thigh.

"Touch me," she whispers to him.

"Where?" he asks as he plants a kiss on her cheek.

Peeta watches Katniss's fingers crawl down her stomach into the dark curls before they sink into her. His heart crashes into his breastbone when her fingers begin making slow motions at the apex of her thighs. Her mouth pulls into a tight 'O' for a moment before she turns to Peeta and whispers the word, "Here".

Katniss grabs his hand with her free one and pulls it to her, placing it over her center, her fingers just beneath his, moving in a circular motion. Katniss pulls her arousal-bathed fingers away and uses them to guide Peeta's to the swollen clit just within her folds. Peeta gulps when he feels her wet warmth.

"You're...you're so wet," he stutters out. Katniss hums in response as she begins moving his fingers in the same circles over the needy bundle of nerves. Once Peeta has gotten the rhythm and pressure down, Katniss removes her guiding hand. Her head falls back on the pillow behind her, and she sighs softly.

Peeta can't keep his eyes off Katniss's face. The afternoon light bathes her features in a soft glow, which contort gently with pleasure. With some instruction, Peeta's tight circles bring Katniss to the brink. Her hips thrust against his hand, and his name spills from her lips like a prayer. Peeta can't seem to catch his breath when she screams out his name and her body trembles under his movements. The motion of his hand slows and eventually stops when she begins to squirm underneath him. It is silent besides the sound of Katniss's panting. Peeta pulls his fingers from her soaking folds.

"Thank you," she says with a raspy voice.

"Uh...you're welcome," he says as he looks down at his wet fingers.

"Can I confess something to you?" The phrase sends an unwelcome shiver down his spine, but he nods to her anyway.

"I touch myself there when I think of you," she whispers.

"Oh." Peeta swallows roughly. His length pulsates, begging to be relieved

"Do you... touch yourself and think of me?." Her eyes look away from Peeta, her flushed cheeks turning more red.

"Uh..." He clears his throat. "Yes."

"Like this?" And her hand is suddenly wrapped tightly around Peeta's hard erection. He hisses at the contact he's has been so desperate for. She begins pumping the length, slowly at first. Peeta groans loudly and turns onto his back. Katniss moves with him, her hand thrusts quickening. He begins grasping at the blankets around them, and he feels his orgasm build.

Without warning Katniss pulls her hand away, and Peeta cannot stop the whimper that leaves him from the loss of contact. His mouth hangs open as he tries to catch his breath. He looks to Katniss, hoping his need is apparent on his face. She smiles at him then kneels at his side. His hand comes up to touch her stomach gently as she leans over close to his ear.

"I want to feel you inside of me, Peeta." He blinks dumbly as the implication of what she has said sinks in.

"I..ah... I don't know... ah, I've never done that."

Katniss chuckles at his fumbled speech. "I know. If you want us to stop we can."

"No." He jumps in hastily. "No... I want to."

Katniss stares worriedly at Peeta for a few moments before moving to straddle him. Peeta sucks in a large gulp of air as Katniss positions her entrance just above his length. She looks at him once more before grasping him in her hands and gliding down, sheathing him with her warmth.

"Ahhh!" Peeta calls out when Katniss's tight walls cover him completely, She groans. When she begins to rock her hips, Peeta is afraid he will finish right then as he gasps, his hands finding purchase on her hips.

At first her movements are slow, her rhythm feels impossibly good, and their moans bounce off the walls. Peeta's cock fits perfectly inside of her, and he knows he has never felt a more beautiful agony as her movements tease his inevitable orgasm.

"Katniss," he moans. "I love you." His words seem to spur her on because her movements speed up. She lifts her hips up, almost pulling away from Peeta before slamming down once again.

Peeta shouts and whimpers as his balls begin to tingle and Katniss's tight walls begin to flutter around him.

"I...I can't..I." He shudders as he begins to thrust towards his release. Katniss cups his cheek with her hand.

"Its ok," she gasps. "Let go, for me. Please."

Peeta can't stop it, and when his orgasm hits he sees stars, He calls out what he thinks is Katniss' name as his fingers dig into her hips. He shudders at the intensity of his first time. Katniss leans over and plants gentle kisses on his lips and face, her tongue collects the perspiration that has beaded on his upper lip. She pulls herself off of him, and Peeta can feel a fluid drip against his stomach.

Katniss curls up next to him, her arms wrapped around his waist, her breasts against his side, her head resting on his bicep. Both of them lie in silence as their breathing returns to normal.

"Thank you," he whispers into her hair while planting kisses into it.

"For what?" She lifts her face to look at him.

"For this." He smiles. "For being patient with me, for loving me, for finding me." He watches as Katniss's mercury colored eyes shine with unshed tears and her bottom lip trembles.

"If it were not for you, I wouldn't be here," she confesses, her voice hoarse. Peeta's mind goes back to the woman he met in the graveyard, he remembers her vacant eyes, her sorrow filled heart, and he remembers the way her mother died. Suddenly he understands her meaning, and the thought threatens to overwhelm him. He sits up and pulls her into a strong embrace while tears prick the corner of his eyes.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." He repeats into the crook of her neck, with each declaration he can feel her arms tighten around him. "Never go where I can't follow," he begs.

"I promise." She pulls back. "I am yours, always."

* * *

15 years later...

Peeta kneels down in front of the grave, the moist dirt still in a mound, indicating a fresh burial. He had not planned on returning to Connecticut as he and Katniss had made a life for themselves in West Virginia, but when that private investigator had hunted him down and informed him that Father Haymitch Abernathy had passed away, and that Peeta was named in his last will and testament, he knew he owed it to his old mentor to visit the sleepy town.

Now that he is here in front of the freshly carved stone, he does not know what to say. In his hand he clutches the copy of "The Scarlet Letter" that was bestowed to him upon his arrival. He flips through the pages until he finds the old photograph of the older priest's true love.

Peeta glances back to Katniss, who is standing with their four children—one girl and three boys. He catches her eye and she smiles warmly at him, and even after all these years he can feel his heart swell at the sight of it.

He realizes in that moment he doesn't have to say anything. Peeta took the old man's advice: he followed his heart, and now his life is richer for it. As he stares down at the photograph, he realizes that it was not him who sinned by leaving the church, but instead it was Father Abernathy, who had turned away from love, that was the sinner.

Peeta knew the choice that the father made weighed heavy on the old man; he also knows that this book and photograph were meant to be a message to Peeta, to remind him that the sins of the father are not his own.

He rests his hand on the stone, bowing his head for a moment of silence, thanking the old priest. He then closes the photograph back into the book and stands, wiping the dirt from his slacks and then walks his way over to his family. He takes his wife by the hand and for the second time ever they walk out of this graveyard together.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading, and again a Thank You to Jeeno2 for the amazing prompt!**

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